Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Woman's Fight, A Woman's Grace

I once was lost, but now I’m found.”  Those are the words from one of my very favorite songs, Amazing Grace.  I don’t identify so much with the song on a personal level; rather I just love the words and the music of it.  However, the song, worded somewhat differently, holds a greater meaning for me as it applies to one of my children. 

My youngest daughter, Adrian, came out of the womb stubborn and with a mind of her own. 

Adrian knows what she wants, goes for it, and if mistakes happen, she chalks it up to life experience and learns from it.  She’s a lot like her mom in that way.  In my case, I really had no mother to turn to in times of indecision and crisis; I turned to my friends who were the greatest support system and saw me through. 

For Adrian, for better or for worse, she has had a mom in her life that paid very close attention to the path she walked and made a lot of noise when it was clear she was headed in the wrong direction.  That has caused some strife in our relationship from time to time, but in the long run it has made her and I extremely close.  The reason is because no matter what decisions she made, and some have cost her great heartache and radically changed the life she might have led, she knew I was there for her.  That’s what a mom does and Adrian knows that better than ever now because she, too, is a mom. 

Adrian is in the fight of her life.  She made some choices that have resulted in a battle over the custody of her youngest son, 15 month old Noble.  What was one of the choice she made?  To leave a relationship that was toxic, abusive, frightening, and unhealthy. 

When Adrian was in this relationship I feared for her and for my beloved Aiden.  I feared with all of my heart that she was lost to me; she was confused about what the definition of “love” is – love is not painful, nor scary, nor hurtful.  She accepted this for a while until something inside of her demanded she survive, and she did.  That’s why I am so drawn to the song, “…once was lost but now am found.”  When she was pregnant she found the courage to leave and for that I have never been prouder of her. 

Her life is far from easy right now, but she is going to see this through and come out the winner.  No matter the cost financially, no matter the years it may take, Adrian, along with the help of a wide-reaching support of family and friends, will survive.  After all she did it once, and she has the most important reason to do so – her sons. 

I have hesitated about sharing this story up to now for several reasons.  One, it’s not my story to tell.  However, I have my daughter’s blessing to do so.  Second, I know that the man who is out to destroy her life because she dared to leave him reads this blog looking for anything he might use against her.  But now I feel it appropriate, and necessary, to get some of this stress off of my chest and I have always found relief in writing. 

I have also, like before, found an amazing support system; this time among my blog friends and followers and frankly, right now, I can use all they can spare. 

If my story and that of my brave, hard-working daughter can help anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation, then my sharing will be repaid tenfold.  If anyone in the blog-reading world has advice or resources they feel can help Adrian, I welcome their suggestions and thank them with all of my heart. 

Here is to the fierceness and tenderness of women everywhere.

For more information on domestic abuse and the help that is there for women in an abusive relationship, please go to Domestic Violence.Org


miruspeg said...

One of the most difficult things to do in life is to leave an abusive relationship. It took me many many years to finally 'wake up' and find the courage to leave.

Thanks for sharing this very personal story Lisa, you will be repaid tenfold I am sure. Would you believe the reason I finally left was because a new millenium was upon us and I didn't want to start the 21st century downtrodden and unhappy.

That is a gorgeous photo of Adrian, Aiden and Noble, they look like they will be able to take on the world! (with your help).

Peggy xxxxxx

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

Ahhh, Peggy. Once again you have shown up and written something that brings goosebumps to me. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Thank you for your words.

Desert Muse said...

My heart goes out to you, your daughter and family. I have no doubt that Adrian will pull through and move forward and your relationship will be strengthened. Thank you, to you and your daughter, for having the courage to share this story.

You've also inspired me to move forward with a writing project I've been sitting on. Thanks to this post I've decided I'm wrapping it up and sending in the query next week. ;)

PS -- Amazing Grace is my fave song ... reminds me of my mother. It was also her song.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I have no doubt--that guy is setting himself up for some nasty karma. Adrian is a strong chick--and smart. She will thrive no matter what.

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

I am so familiar with her story because decades ago, it was me. What I could not do for myself I was able to do for my 2 yr. old daughter. (at that time) My heart and prayers are with her, you and the children. She has learned much at a huge price. I'm sure she'll be a better woman for it. Time will tell if the father will be a better man.