Saturday, June 25, 2011

I See One Hundred On My Horizon - Damnit!

The phone call comes in the middle of just another regular day.  My husband and I were having a mundane conversation when my cell rang.  Caller I.D. shows it’s the doctor’s office.  In those split second thoughts that your mind has the capability of processing, this is what went through my mind: Are they calling to confirm an appointment?  No, I just had one.   Oh, they are just calling to say (as they have many times before), “Your mammogram results are it.  Everything looks good.”   

But that’s not what the doctor’s receptionist said.  Instead, it was “The doctor wants you to come in to discuss the results.”           

That certainly changed the tone of the day. 

Why can’t they alleviate all worry and just tell you over the phone what they want to say, for cripe’s sake?  Instead I have to wait five days for an appointment to open up. 

Of course I tell myself that it’s nothing.  I tell my husband that, too.  And my best friend.  I don’t want to tell my children; why worry them for nothing?  But my mind, that amazing internal computer that is capable of split second processing won’t let me stick with just the positive thoughts. 

No, it takes me to all the possibilities.  Makes me think about the what-ifs? 
  • I don’t want my children to have to face something scary. 
  • Who would take care of my dogs? 
  • Chemo scares the living you-know-what out of me. 
  • Why not me?  Why would I be so special not to have this happen to me? 
  • I’m not ready to go anywhere. 
  • I want to live to be one hundred – a healthy 100.  
I filled the weekend with lots of activity, time with the kids – no time to think. Not until all is quiet and I’m supposed to be sleeping. That’s why I had to write about it because my therapy has always been to get it out of the head so it can’t fester. 

Today is Saturday.  I’ll be back home on Monday and at the doctor’s office at 10 A.M.  

It’s going to be just fine.   

That’s what I keep telling myself.

I wonder if this is what every woman goes through when the phone rings with this kind of news.


Vegas Linda Lou said...

WHAT??? Is it a mammo in question or bloodwork? Why can't they at least give you a hint of what's wrong? That's so cruel. Praying for you, my dear friend.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh... just read an earlier post. Praying it's just a blurr they need to redo.

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

I've had that call and it turned out fine. I pray that yours will too.

miruspeg said...

What a very disturbing phone call to receive Lisa. And then to have to wait FIVE DAYS for an appointment!!!
My mind, like your mind, would be all over the place.
The waiting game will be over soon my friend and if you want to live to 100 and healthy, then so it will be!!!

Lots of love and light beaming your way.
Peggy xxxxxx