Monday, April 11, 2011

Look in the mirror and what do I see? An old lady looking back at me!

It’s happening.  I have entered the old-lady-itis stage of life.  Yep, it’s arrived proclaiming, “I’m here! No fear!  Get used to it!”  How do I know it’s here and not just around the corner?  Let me count the ways.

·         I used to color my hair for fun, oh, maybe twice a year or so.  Then I took to putting the $7.98 box of hair color purchase into my quarterly budget because I’d notice a stray gray here and there.  Now, according to my calendar calculations, I am going to the professionals every four weeks because my temples glimmer with silver that are too noticeable to ignore.

·         The McDonald’s cashiers rarely question my senior coffee claim anymore.
·         I get words and names mixed up.  I’m calling one of my dogs by the name of a pet that died eight years ago.  When I make appointments, March is May or April is August and I don’t know the difference until someone points it out to me.

·         “You’ve told me that story already,” is mentioned to me on a regular basis.

·         My son-in-law claims he was “only joking” when he asked his wife “where the old lady is.”

·         I pass gas* when just walking sometimes, never knowing when the humiliating sound will occur. (*Okay, I also have the old-lady prude thing going on because I had to come back and change the "f" word that refers to passing gas because I couldn't stop thinking about it and being embarassed that I'd used it here for all the world to see!)
·         Speaking of humiliating sounds, I grunt and groan when getting up off the couch or bending down to pick up something off the floor.

·         My best friend said, “Yeah, right!” when I said let’s pretend that the babies we were each carrying were our own.  She didn’t think it was a believable prank anymore.

·         No matter how hot it is I have to wear shirts with sleeves, especially in my college class because the arm flaps are distracting to my students.   
·         Shorts, cropped pants and bathing suits are no longer an option.

·         My hairdresser insists on giving me bangs to cover up the forehead wrinkles.

·         Getting eight-hours of sleep is a nostalgic memory.                        

·         I don’t care anymore that my husband sees my full-body Spanx in the laundry, or on my body, for that matter.

·         I shun the camera because I can’t figure out “my good side” anymore.

And, I remind myself that someday in the future I will look back at this time and long for how good I looked at 53!

5 comments:

Kathy said...

I've seen that old lady in my mirror too. She really gets around. Every once in awhile, I think I see my mother too. I started coloring my hair in my 20's. Finally, last summer, I admitted defeat. Who was I kidding? I had my 60th Birthday color free. You have a few good years left to fight the good fight.

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

Kathy, I have been at that stage where I wonder how the gray hair will come in! My hair is so dark that I fear I'm going to look like a skunk with the gray in the front and the rest of it dark. Gotta have a good sense of humor for this process. Thanks for writing!

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

Kathy, I have been at that stage where I wonder how the gray hair will come in! My hair is so dark that I fear I'm going to look like a skunk with the gray in the front and the rest of it dark. Gotta have a good sense of humor for this process. Thanks for writing!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh. my. God. Lisa, you KILL me!

Is this what I have to look forward to 10 days from now? (You're 10 days older than me, right?) And the "f word" is actually "fart"? Who knew?

And I'm supposed to be the comedian...

Donna B said...

Hilarious post! So good to see you tonight...let's stay in touch and have that lunch very soon!