Thursday, April 15, 2010

Back in the Saddle of Writing

I have neglected my blog posting for too long; I can feel the itch in my fingers to share some more Lisa Wisdom Based on Life Experience. Trouble is, I don’t know exactly how to start. I have lots to say but some of it is pretty personal stuff and not my story to share.

That’s the complicated thing about writing about your life; there are others on the periphery, some much closer to the inner circle than others, that are hard to ignore in the telling but who don’t ask to have their private life made public. That’s why I believe, at age 52, I am still holding on to my life story in book form. If I can’t tell the whole truth, than I would feel as though I was not giving a true representation of my life. But there are details that will offend some, anger and/or embarrass others. I run the risk of losing people in my life because I told my version of things as I witnessed it, which is not how someone else might have experienced it. I have already lost a very important person in my life because she didn’t appreciate my take on how I viewed the split between my families after the death of my mother and father.

So, of course I am a bit hesitant to put myself out there and risk another abandonment. Yet, in many ways I feel I was born to tell the story of my life, including the encounters that have formed me as a person. I am a compilation of all those who have touched me; I didn’t create this personality all on my own, didn’t form the opinions from thin air. Every experience I have had, each and every person I have met, no matter how brief, has informed the person I eventually became and am still becoming.

I hope it doesn’t sound vain, but I have always associated myself with a song by one of my favorite artists, Natalie Merchant. In her song, "Wonder" (Tigerlilly, 1995), she sings about a girl who astounds the world with what she brings to it. Here are the lyrics:

Doctors have come from distant cities
Just to see me
Stand over my bed
Disbelieving what they're seeing

They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation

Newspapers ask intimate questions
Want confessions
They reach into my head
To steal the glory of my story

They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation

O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way

People see me
I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads
How I confound you and astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as you can see you can offer me
No explanation

O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able

The part where people “see her as a challenge to their balance,” how they are confounded by her really hits home with me. I am pretty sure I have had that same effect on many people in my life.

I also associate the song with my two daughters, especially when I have gone through moments (and there have been and still are many) when I was worried about them or concerned about their happiness. I found comfort in the words, “Know this child will not suffer…know this child will be gifted, with love, with patience and with faith, she’ll make her way.”

Although I didn’t know how to begin this post after a bit of an absence, the very process of writing it has gotten me warmed up. I will be back soon with another in a few days. With so many things happening in my life, I know I needn’t worry about material.  Here's one of the reasons I've been preoccupied.  Meet my newest grandchild, Rain Catharine.  Born one week ago today.



See you all soon.

3 comments:

L.T. Elliot said...

I love that song too. For years it has touched me and I still listen to it now and then when I doubt myself.

What a beautiful grandbaby! And Rain. What a perfect name.

Anonymous said...

Oh, what a beautiful child and what a beautiful name. Unique and different, it brings to mind a child of the celestial earth and all it's wonders. With such a name, she is bound to make her mark upon the world.

Donna B said...

WOW...You, then Linda...so now we have Hazel and Rain...my daughter is due the end of September...let's hope there is a run on girls! They find out what the sex is (hopefully) by sonogram on the 26th of April...let's keep our fingers crossed...

Congratulations Gramma!! Big hugs!