I began this blog nearly a year ago at the urging of a friend, a fellow writer who believes I have a story to tell. Interspersed with amusing anecdotes of everyday living, I have shared some of the sad events that have shaped my life. Those are the posts that have inspired me the most and have generated the most heartfelt responses from those that follow my blog or happen to run across it.
Certain events have occurred over the past year or so that have tried my very sanity. While I am trying to live a normal, uneventful life filled with work, home and husband, people I love dearly who are in crisis and are suffering are causing me to desperately seek ways to help them, save, them, fix them, love them enough so that their pain goes away. I do not know where my need to be the resucer comes from; I only know that I cannot turn away from them. So their pain is my pain. In order to save myself I hold a belief that I need to save them.
Therapists, wise friends and family members tell me that it's not my problem. They say this not out of lack of compassion for those who I am worried over; they are trying to help me because they are worried about me. I love them all for that concern. But, I cannot turn away from those I love. I know I can't "fix" their problems, undo choices they make for their own life, but I have one weapon in my arsenal that I truly believe can help. I can write.
Writing has healed more deep wounds than I can ever recount. One thing I do know is that telling the truth of things, for me through writing, that pain can be worked through. So, I am going to write my story from beginning to present day and in my heart I know that I can shed light on the demons that have haunted me and that I know have caused indirect destruction to those who are also victims of a tainted history.
I don't know whether I will post entries here or publish in a more traditional way, but my book is now being written. This is something that has been a long time coming and I believe I am now ready to meet the challenge. One thing I can say for sure, I am feeling lighter and free of some of my burden already.