Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Breakable Unbreakable Bonds

I really wonder if parents and children know to how influential their mutual bond is, how an action or word by one profoundly affects the other to the extent that one’s spirit can either be nurtured or broken.

As I am sure is the case with every person who is a member of a family, we have all been witness to the interaction that takes place; love, compassion, nurture, hate, abuse, and fear. Sometimes, however, the worst is disregard, when one family member ignores the needs of another, dismisses their feelings, shuns them out of disappointment, makes them the target of their own misery.

It is hard to be the bearer of this treatment, be it by a mother to her daughter, a son to his father, or a sister to a sister.  If only the perpetrator of such ill could see how damaging their behavior is, if only a mirror could be held up to them so they could see that in dishing out pain they are in turn hurting only themselves.

Having lost parents early on, I have grown to envy anyone who has a relationship with a mother and father, have felt jealous that they have the ability to experience the ebbs and flows of a parent/child bonding. At least their parents are still of this earth and there’s the chance to make up for any lost opportunities to express love, vocalize grievances and make things right. If only the parties could see just how lucky they are; rather than hold on stubbornly to grudges for so long it’s at the funeral where the tears of regret flow, too late for one to hear the apologies of the other.

For me, the family connection is everything: the good and the bad, and anything short of the purposeful infliction of cruel behavior on the part of someone in my family, I would never disown a one of them. I am a product of how conflicting the emotions of love, hate, forgiveness and non-forgiveness can be; my father killed my mother and I have spent a lifetime trying to understand his motives and come to some sort of peace about the whole thing.

If, rather than seek some sort of understanding, I chose instead to wallow in hate for this man, I know in my heart I would be living a life of dark and profound misery. I would not ever have experienced so many moments of joy and love that I have.

I only wish I could share this lesson with others: that in turning away from someone in your life that has hurt you, disappointed you, not lived up to your expectations, or not seen things your way, you are denying yourself so much. Nothing in this world is as important as the bond between a parent and child, siblings, or even friends; in essence – the human bond. To disregard this connection is to shortchange one’s self to the profound and beautiful experience that is loving one another.

If only others would listen……………………..


L.T. Elliot said...

I'm humbled by your strength. I know that seeking that understanding could not have been easy but I applaud you for it. I'm listening. I'm trying in my way to find my own understandings and thanks to this post, I'll keep trying.

ajgallion said...

I was just going over a story with my students about the influence of the family unit upon its members. You are very insightful in stressing the lasting effects that hurt and anger can have on one's offspring. Hopefully that child or that child-turned-adult will have the means to heal in order to be fully present in life.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I have a sister with whom I've been estranged for almost three years. We were very close for many years before that. Your post is very timely.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

You write from a powerful place...with incredible authority because of your personal heartbreak...and the wisdom that you share is that much richer for it! Thank you! This post touched the deep places in my heart! Beautiful! ~Janine XO