Sunday, October 25, 2009

It's Complicated - my father and me

No post has been harder for me to write.  I begin with a few sentences, then highlight and discard what I've written. 

October 26th is the anniversary of my father's suicide. Once that date passes each year I am free to continue my life without the albatross that the month of October is for me. 

I tried and tried to write something to commemorate my father: his memory, the feelings I have about losing him, his role in the destruction of our family, the legacy of grief and anguish his actions created.  I tried to write about the complicated emotions I feel for him: a need to forgive, my search for father figures, the draw I have to my Italian heritage - but the words did not flow.  I suspect that is due to all the unresolved issues I still harbor for the man who should have been the most important male influence in my life.

I guess I still have a lot of work to do with regard to my father.  While I am adressing that, I will share a photo montage of his short life.

Joe (on the right) and his younger brother Dick, 1922


Courtship days with his future wife, Pat Oberlander



Handsome Dad

 


The Joseph Gioia Family with their three boys: Joseph Jr., baby James Richard, and Dominic Michael, 1954). I wasn't in "the picutre" yet as I wasn't born until 1957



The Family business in Batavia, New York




R.I.P. 










9 comments:

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

Oh, Lisa, how sad! He was so young! Sad for both you and him. I have a close friend whose mother committed suicide when my friend was 10 years old. The friend is now 70, but she has never recovered from that. If parents only knew the impact that such an action would have on their children, I wonder if they would re-consider. It sounds like you are working toward an understanding of your father and his situation, loving him while regretting his act. Blessings on your both!

Judith Mercado said...

I salute your courage, Lisa, in writing about something so painful. May you find peaceful relief in the sharing.

The Daily Connoisseur said...

I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds, however, like you have grown into an amazing woman and it is no doubt that everything that has happened in your life (good or bad) has gotten you to the moment you are now. Writing about painful things can also be therapeutic. I wish you nothing but peace...

Joanna Jenkins said...

Lisa, My heart is with you.
xo

MaLou Silverman said...

So sorry to hear this. He was so young but no matter what his reasons are, his life made such a mark on everyone who loved him, and could teach a lesson or two.

Ribbon said...

You have done a wonderful job of this...
this is not an easy story to tell.

Big love to you
Ribbon

Ribbon said...

I'm sorry for myself that I haven't been to visit here more often as what I have read of your blog this evening I realise that I've been missing out on some delightful stories.

Next time I'll try not to leave it so long between visits.

best wishes
Ribbon

Ribbon said...

me again...
upon further reading I have become aware of your heartache and I am very sorry for your loss.

you sound as though you are doing your very best to manage your grief... it's certainly a lifetime journey.

take care x

Red Shoes said...

Good morning...
What a touching story... Our parents are never aware of how their actions impact us who are left behind for such a long time... sometimes, the rest of our lives... I just recently resolved an issue for my Dad who has been gone 13 years now... and the issue had to do with his Mom... a Grandmother I never knew...

We do the best we can, I think...
Peace to you...
~Shoes~